No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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