I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
