yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
