i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
