i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
