so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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