Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
