Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
