i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
