ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
