I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
