Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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