dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize