i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
