he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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