she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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