i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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