my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
