I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize