we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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