Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
