You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
