I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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