wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
