i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
