I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
