Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
