yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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