Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
