my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
