I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
