it was like his penis was on wheels.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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