how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize