Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
