if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
