My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
