I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
