Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
