Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
