I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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