i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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