you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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