Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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