You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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