Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
