Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
