This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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