Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
