If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
