What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
