I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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