Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
ok first of all what the fuck
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
