My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
