He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
