I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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