Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
