so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
