i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
