Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize