My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
