bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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