i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
