So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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