alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
