I met the friendliest cop last night
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
