I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
