while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
