Who did Billy Mays play for?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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