I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
