An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
