Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dicks are not precious.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
