if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
bring money and cleavage
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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