Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell

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(303): View more from Colorado

who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make

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(540): View more from Virginia

I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

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(989): View more from Michigan

i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

thats actually pretty good logic

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(856): View more from New Jersey

it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.

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(850): View more from Florida

He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.

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