It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
