i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
