ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
