TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
