woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
