I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
