I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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